Too far for far too long

Its the little things that get me every time. 

Remember when you got that old Indian song from your friend and you wanted to make me listen to it but ended up singing along to it. You sounded so happy, so serene and so perfect.

So I went and I looked for old videos of you singing. And I broke down. You'd be surprised at how strong and resilient I've been this past week. But the sound of your voice just made me sob like a child. 

There's no doubt about how good you sound and when you sing, it captivates me. You sound so strong and so sure and it amazes me how well I know that voice. And its been so long since I've heard you sing, it breaks my heart. 

I remember, last summer when you were interning and everyone at your office was sitting around and singing and I mentioned that I wanted to hear you sing too and you called me up all sneakily so I could hear you. You sounded so perfect then. Just like you sounded perfect in all those videos.

And it made me feel better and worse all at the same time. Your voice is like coming home. Its familiar and safe and warm. And its been so long since I've heard you sing. I don't think I've ever told you how much I miss it. Every time you sang along to some song or just randomly started singing while on the phone with me at night- it was amazing. 

Its the little things I miss. The sound of your voice, your singing, the phone calls from you while you drove home, random conversations about pointless things at night, leaving the leftover food in your car, kissing your cheek to smooth things over after I annoyed you, lacing my fingers through yours. Its always the fucking little things and I hate our situation all over again.