Slick. Suave. Ew.

Hot. Perfectly groomed. Rich. Womanizer. Sexpert. Big shmenis. Cocky. Confident. Arrogant. Cold.

You know, your run of the mill chick-lit guy.

Makes me wonder what the eff is going on in the average female mind. Do we really want him? A guy who's confident all the time? Who struts around raising his eyebrow at you, making you all sorts of nervous? The sort who's intimidating, way too intense and domineering. He's detached, full of himself and gives you these icy looks.

You know, the Mills and Boon, Judith McNaught, 50 Shades of Grey type.

Apparently that's supposed to get my panties all soaked.

But whatever happened to the regular guy?

The average Joe. Whose smile makes him look like a mischievous boy? Who can't bring himself to hold your hand so he starts off by brushing his hand against yours and then slowly takes it one finger at a time? Who gets nervous and feels shy and blushes every now and then? Who gets angry and sad and who laughs and cries? You know, feels the full spectrum of emotions. Who looks sexy in a suit but mostly ends up wearing jeans and oversized shirts and looking like a slob- even on your birthday, when you looked good enough to walk the red carpet? The one who shows you he can be just as vulnerable as you. That imperfect boy who's just all the more perfect for being flawed.

Why have we suddenly started wanting obnoxious assholes instead of them regular boys? I don't want some rich ass playboy who thinks too much of himself and is chock full of separation/abandonment/mommy issues. God. When did we decide the basket cases are hot? That guy is not sexy. He does not make me want to do it with him. If I met him, he would not sweep me off my feet, he would not make me speechless (unless it was out of ire or annoyance) and my first instinct would not be to drop my pants and get on all fours in front of him. Maybe I would have once. There was a time when I would have found him hot. But I'd like to think I've grown up. That guy is no longer my dream guy. He's a bit of a sex fiend, to be honest. He's nauseating and annoying and honestly, if I read one more romance novel with that guy in it, I will punch someone.