Times I didn't hit send #3

I don't know what we are. I don't know if we're friends or beyond that or almost back together. I don't know. All I know is that it doesn't feel right if I don't talk to you. It doesn't feel right if I let a day go by without making sure we're both okay.
I feel like we're walking on a tightrope and the smallest of things can throw us over. And I feel like it's my responsibility to make sure we get to the other side. But I don't know how. I can't do it alone and I feel like I have to. Like making sure getting to the other side matters more to me than it does to you. And that's what you've made me believe. Every time you told me it's not you, it's me. Every time you told me I can do whatever I want and you'll deal accordingly. That's what you made me believe.
You asked me what I'm so stressed about and I left this part out. With everything else, I feel like I have to carry this friendship or this relationship forward on my own. And I can't do it. It's too much and I can't do it. And I can't even tell you about it because I'll just be ruining things.
Things have been so good with us and you have been so perfect but there are moments like these when I just feel so utterly alone and you're not there to make it go away.