You never understood my "emotional bullshit". You never understood why I like all those mushy posts or why I cried at TV shows or why every single Grey's Anatomy episode ended with me sending you emotional messages. Honestly, its just because I freaking love you. And I see you in everything. And everything, all that pain and emotion and love and sadness and happiness reminded me of you. If I was angry at you and I saw an episode where someone died in an accident, it would make me cry and get rid of my anger because I would start thinking of what if that was you and me. Everything reminded me of you.
You have that. You have that person who remembers you, who wants you. And who is willing to fight for you. And who wants to stay with you. And all I have is someone who wants to get rid of me.
I want to scream and rage and get angry. I can't do this. I can't be that person who rises above. I tried so hard. I tried to let go of everything. But it all hurts. And I'm angry and bitter and sad and hurting. And I am not okay. I don't know what to do- I am so lost.
The only person I want to talk to who I know can help me make sense of this is you. But you are not an option right now. So I have to do it alone. I have to figure this out and I need time. But I'm so scared. I don't know what time will do. I don't know what I will want after this. And that scares me so much.
